The Commentator - Marc Sinfield
And he is off on this marathon of a journey
One of the toughest races of his life so far
This dangerous task at two-thirty a.m. to pinch, yes pinch
The Golden Delicious out of the fridge.
And already a quarter of the way there,
He is out of the bedroom
And he said he would go for a world record time
Set by the next door neighbour Alan Jones.
And the time at his first lap marker is …19.5 seconds!
Incredible! 0.62 seconds inside the world record.
My word, he is in tremendous form.
But there could be trouble.
He can feel his mum breathing down his neck.
And fortunately for him it's the wind from the bedroom,
But he has slowed considerably.
His second lap marker is 28.6 seconds
And that is an average time as he approaches the stairs.
And he grits his teeth as he tiptoes quickly down the stairs.
My goodness, he is a gutsy character.
He certainly needs to be now because he has reached the breaking point,
Hit or bust.
Can he get past this Doberman without waking him?
These are tense moments…
The dog has an eyelid open.
This is it, surely.
He cannot escape this catastrophe!
Can he? Will he? Has he?
My word what skill.
He stopped stone dead and the dog never saw him
So now he can carry on.
He is unstoppable as he oozes round the kitchen door
And whips open the fridge.
And he has won the Golden Delicious
And in a time which has lopped 0.46 seconds off the world record!
WHAT A PERFORMANCE!
But wait! This is nasty! Is it foot - ?
Yes, it is footsteps.
Oh no, it's Mother.
And this is surely disqualification.
What a tragedy!
He must be heartbroken.
And his mum doesn't look too pleased
From the way she clouted him round the earhole.
What a shame that such an incredible feat
Has been married by disqualification for being too noisy.
Well, that's it from Cheshunt tonight
So back to the studio!"