Welcome to The Hard Times
Charles Dickens

Issue Number: CD-001

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by Parliamentary Correspondent David Copperfield

The government announced today radical measures to try to deal with the ever-growing number of convicted criminals in England.

A HOME OFFICE spokesman said that the problem has arisen because of 'people who know no better insisting that some crimes like rape, arson and burglary, that once were punishable by hanging should now be punishable only by imprisonment'

The spokesman, who did not want to be named, in case he was dismissed for his outspoken viewpoint continued that, in his opinion, it was all very well for reformers to feel sorry for these low-types but they did not have the problem of what to do with them.

'The prisons are over-flowing. We have a huge number of convicted felons in prison ships waiting for a place. It is dreadful' he said.

Because of this, new measures, called TRANSPORTATION are being rushed through Parliament to try to ease the problem. Convicts would be sent to the colony of Australia and assigned to a hard working and decent member of society who would be able to use them to work for the good of the Empire.

'It will be a good life' the spokesman continued. 'They will have good weather and be given basic necessities in return for working off their sentence by hard labour. I do not understand all these people who complain and cause problems for the Government by saying it is unkind and wicked to make these people leave their homes and families and that they could not help stealing because they are too poor. We should not feel sorry for them. They should have thought of that before they committed crimes'. He added 'I have heard Australia is a wonderful place. I am sure in a hundred years or so people will be queuing up to go there'

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