GOVERNMENT ALARMED AT MASSIVE INCREASE IN CRIME.
by Parliamentary Correspondent David Copperfield
The government announced today radical measures to try to deal with the ever-growing number of convicted criminals in England. A HOME OFFICE spokesman said that the problem has arisen because of 'people who know no better insisting that some crimes like rape, arson and burglary, that once were punishable by hanging should now be punishable only by imprisonment'

Serial soap writer grips nation in 'what will happen' fever!
The nation is gripped in a fever to know what will happen to Pip, known to the Literati as Phillip Pirrip of course; in Great Expectations, the brand new serialised novel by our most famous of novelists Mr Charles John Huffham Dickens.